Diary of a VirginWhore

The idea that sex workers are ‘used’ or that their bodies are commodities is a fallacy. But many feminists use this argument to claim that sex work is degrading, anti feminist, commodifies women or is harmful to them. Moralists (who are sometimes indistinguishable from the radical feminists) use the argument to justify looking down on sex workers or pitying them because they’re “degraded”. The radfem myths of ‘false consciousness’ and sexworkers’ lack of agency are also  heavily dependent on seeing them as used bodies, as sex slaves.

But if you think that sex workers are used by clients, that idea is actually made up of several patriarchal ideas about gender and gender rules.

1) It means you think there aren’t male sex workers and that there aren’t female clients. So it’s a world where there are no LGBTQ people to sell sex or buy sex. It’s also a world where…

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Blue Monday

Well good morning!

CBC radio informed me this morning that today is, statistically, one of the most depressing days of the year. It apparently has to do with the low levels of sunlight combined with common social difficulties like Christmas debt.

So, what can we do (besides getting laid, which tends to be my solution for everything)?

Do something nice for someone. Something meaningful and unexpected. You will gain joy from their joy, as well as make someone’s Monday a little bit better. Write a nice email, buy the person behind you in line a coffee, bring flowers home for your loved ones…just something. If we cannot uplift ourselves independently, then perhaps unconditional joy from others can bring us up in ways we did not expect.

Have a lovely Monday,

Adele

Top 5 Pet Peeves

Tis the season of missed appointments, rude clients, and not being punctual. Life happens, yes, but I think people forget that this business is, in fact, a business. I try and act professionally and expect the same from my patrons. I rarely am late, and even more rarely cancel, but when I do I communicate as early as possible, and make alternate arrangements as convenient for the other person as possible. People forget that this job often comes down to customer service, and I ask that it goes both ways.

That said, I would like to take a minute to outline the top five things that absolutely drive me crazy in this business.

1) Being Rude – Basic human dignity, people. I am polite, and despite  being a domme will often try and be friendly. I expect the same from clients, and have been known to screen people out when they were unfriendly or rude.

2) Waffling/time wasting – I am not here to provide fuel for your spank bank. Or to be friends. Or to chat. I use my phone to run a business, so please, make your appointment. I will confirm it. If you have specific questions, ask. I love chatting and meeting new people but if I did it with everyone who called or text messaged I wouldn’t have time to work. Now, not to say a conversation or two hasn’t happened (I have met some fabulous people through work sources), but if the sole reason  you are calling me is to chat, you’re wasting both of our time.

3) Bartering/changing terms. I have been known to negotiate and barter, because certainly I have patrons who have specific budgets and I want to find solutions that work for everyone. That said, asking for something different than what was agreed upon during a session (“you want me to suspend you from the roof? Right now? Couldn’t have mentioned that sooner?”), breaking a boundary, refusing to offer the agreed upon price…that irritates me.

4) Dishonesty. Honesty is the best policy, especially in the context of BDSM or some of the specialized services out there. If you want something, ask. If you hate the flogger I’m using, say so. If you legitimately cannot afford the price I quoted you, say so and we can work something out rather than both of us walking away disappointed. On a health and safety note, disclosure of any STIs is very important  I don’t discriminate and use universal precautions in all sessions, but letting me know if you’re positive is super important for both of us.

5) Cancelling/Late without notice. Life happens. But please, give me some notice. It messes up all the appointments following yours if you’re late, and if I come in for an appointment and you cancel without telling me I’ve just wasted travel time and time waiting around. Again, this is like any customer service job: If you want to maintain a good relationship with your provider, you have to treat him/her with curtsey and respect and you’ll get that in return. If there’s a battle for timeslots, a regular who always shows up is going to get priority over someone who may want a more expensive service. This is the way it goes.

That’s all I’ve got, folks. Have a lovely week!

xoxoxo Adele oxoxox

Sub-space

Howdy!

I often refer to the term ‘sub space’ when I do sessions. Some people get a bit confused by the term. Submissiveguide.com has a short but pretty good definition of what subspace can look like in the article “Many Layers of Sub Space“. The “light headed, floaty feeling” is a pretty accurate description of what some people get, and I think the author of this article is correct when she says that this headspace doesn’t necessarily only happen when people are playing deeply: As I mentioned before in my past post about pain on the brain, there are a ton of chemicals floating around during any type of sub/dom session and it just takes the right combination of people and activities to trigger the right chemical reaction.

I really, truly believe in the psychological benefit of having an sub/dom session with a safe and practised domme, even if it’s just a one-time thing to see what you think of it. There’s a certain, very special, type of power that the sub has in the relationship. A good domme will be aware and respectful (even reverent) of the dynamic power relationship, and this is respect is what lays the foundation of a good relationship. Physical and psychological safety comes first, and when those foundations are laid firmly into the ground, the real fun can begin.

xoxoxo Adele oxoxox

Chest Harness

Hello, folks!

We have a new gal at the studio, Alice. Alice gets a kick out of being tied up. Then flogged (though, sadly, a client walked in right as I pulled out my whip :(). I rigged her up into a badass chest harness. This is essentially what happens when you leave a dominatrix alone, unsupervised, and bored for too long – someone gets beaten, and it’s not me.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

Adele

edmonton bdsm

The lovely Alice, all tied up.

Bondage at its finest!

Bondage at its finest!

Check out my sexy weaving!

Check out my sexy weaving!

Boobs. I was gunna suggest she lose the bra but I can't win em all.

Boobs. I was gunna suggest she lose the bra but I can’t win em all.